How come you don't call me?

She was sitting on her bed, desperately trying to read the last pages of the latest Danielle Steel. But she could not concentrate. Every five minutes, she would look at her cellular phone, wondering why it has not rung yet. She picked up the device for the umpteenth time and flipped it open. No messages as well. She put it back on her bedside table. With a frustrated sigh, she proceeded to toss her book away, turn off the lights and go to bed.

Two weeks earlier, she was sitting in an upscale restaurant surrounded by several other people in her situation. They were all dressed up, some more than others. A quick look around her told her that she was not the only nervous soul in search of true love in this place.

Sarah was approaching 30. She was still single. The career that she worked hard and long for was finally taking off. She was at the right place at the right time. Yet, she was still alone. For a moment, she thought about letting go. She had her share of bad relationships in the past. Why did she need another one now? Besides, her friends were always telling her that Mr. Right will come knocking at her door, only when she will stop looking for it. So she should just be patient.
Unfortunately for her, she was tired of waiting, alone in her cold bed. She wanted someone to go home to. She wanted someone to share her bed, her days, her laughs, her cries, her tomorrow. She wanted to be happy with a man. So, she did the last crazy thing she vowed she would never do: she decided to try matchmaking companies.
That Saturday, she had been invited to a mixer. She was sitting waiting for the matchmaker to signal the beginning of the mixer. She was looking around, trying to assess the men but also the women who were going to be her competition. Some men were really handsome and looked confident while some others were just blah. And the women, some of them were polished, a bit uptight. And the rest looked like sluts who were trying too much with their short dresses and low cut tops. That made her wonder about her own outfit. Was the knee length coral sheath she had purchased at Macy's the week before appropriate enough? Were her curls going to hold? Was her make up perfect?
She did not have time to answer her questions. The signal was made and people started to walk around the room searching for members of the opposite sex. Sarah just waited, her body language inviting. And soon enough some men came to her.
At the end of the mixer, she was exhausted but she had secured mini dates with two guys. Ahmad was younger than her but a total cutie. He was also driven and dedicated to his family. They shared the same values and the fact that he had dimples when he smiled did not hurt either. Trey, was a tall dark chocolate with a model of a body. He was a lot older than he looked but seemed to be a kid at heart. At the end of the mini dates, both men expressed interest in her and vowed to call her soon to set up a real date. Sarah went home excited. By the time she made it to her bed, she was already planning her wedding.

When she woke up late the next day, her first thought was to check her cell phone. Nothing! But that is usual. Give them a little bit of time to play it cool. Probably, by Monday they will call.
Monday came and still nothing. Then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday....A week went by and neither men made the first step. She thought about calling them. What would she say? But more importantly what would they think of her? Afraid, she decided against it. She would wait. Another week went by. She was constantly checking her phone, her email. At work she was so distracted that she was starting to make mistakes. She could not even concentrate on casual conversations with her co-workers. She did not go out as well, refusing invitations from family and friends. She was afraid to miss the call, when it came. She was getting frantic and irrational. She only wanted her phone to ring and to be Trey or Ahmad, or both men at the other end.
Now, she was at the end of week two, unable to sleep, desperate and frustrated. She realized that by now, the two men were probably never going to call her but she needed answers as to why.

The following morning, she made two phone calls: one to her best friend living on the other side of the planet and one to the matchmaker.
- They still did not call? Tamara asked her.
- No. Why do you think that is?
Tamara paused to think. Then replied
- I have no idea, sweetie. Are you sure that they say they were going to call?
Sarah made another exasperated sigh.
- Yes, I am sure. The whole purpose of the mixer was to get numbers at the end if you were interested in a person. They both got my phone number so logically they should call. Why do men do this? They say: "I will call you" and they never do.
Tamara did not know what to say to comfort her friend.
- Did you watch the movie "He is just not that into you"?
- Of course, I did. And like that girl I am not that desperate so do not ask me to call them to see what is going on. Sarah cried
- I know but that may put you out of the misery of not knowing. Hold on a second.
Sarah heard Tamara on the other line talking to her husband. She waited patiently for her friend to come back on the phone. Tamara was married and seem to have it all, a husband, beautiful kids. But Sarah was not envious. She witnessed first hand what marriage could do to a person. Yet she was still pursuing that dream of finding someone with no success apparently.
Tamara came back on the phone with this revelation:
- I ask Karim about men and why they do not call after they said they will. He said that it is because after the mixer or date, they would go home, clear their heads, think it through and decide that they were no longer interested. Sometimes, as they ask for phone numbers they know they will not call but just keep on asking because they think it is the polite thing to do. He says that it is as simple as that.
Sarah wanted to scream and that is what she did in fact right into Tamara's ears:
- Then, why the fuck don't they pick up the phone and have the decency to say it to my face. Better yet, why do they even bother to get my phone number. I'd rather be rejected on the scene than have to wait around for a phone call that will never come.
- Hey. Don't shoot me. I am just the messenger.
- I am sorry but....ah!
Tamara was really worried about her friend. She was the one to encourage her to go out there although she would have never imagined that her friend had the courage to go to a mixer. She made a silent plea to GOD asking him when he was going to get her best friend a good man who would treat her right.
Sarah hung up the phone after chit chatting with Tamara another five minutes. Then she called her matchmaker. The later faced with the same question, told her that she did not understand why the men did not call particularly when it seemed that they hit it off at the party. But she promised that she would investigate. She ended the call urging Sarah not to give up in her search of true love. In other words, please keep using our services.
Sarah decided that this was the last straw. She was done searching and waiting for men. She would remain single, and focus on her career and family. And hopefully one day, prince charming will come knocking at her door. No, she would not even let herself think about that again. She was letting go.

A week later, her matchmaker called her. She finally had the answers as to why both Ahmad and Trevor did not call. It seemed that Ahmad was interested in both Sarah and another girl at the party. But upon calling the other girl first and going out on a date with her, he realized that they were a match. Therefore, he did not find the need to interact with Sarah. And as for Trevor, the matchmaker regretted to inform her that the man was already married. In fact, he was a player looking for his next prey at the mixer. And he had everyone at the agency fooled until his wife came bearing information about his true nature.
Men!

no break is even

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. As usual, she slept late, ignoring the rays of sunshine that were trying to peek through her curtains. She was lazily laying in bed, dreaming of better days. Soon, however, she would have to wake up and face the reality of it all: it was over.

Two days ago, Kanai had told her it was all over. He invited her for diner, and just told her in the middle of their entrees that he had to end it with her. The reason he gave her was that his mother insisted he went back home to finally marry his betrothed. She did not know what to think, much less what to say. She kept on eating her pasta, trying to hold the tears from rolling on her face. By dessert, he was ready to say his goodbyes. He payed the check and left without even giving her a second glance.

She gave him enough time to disappear into the night, for her to leave the crowded restaurant. She did not know what she was going to do. She knew this moment would happen someday. But in the back of her mind, she had decided to ignore it, praying that it would never. And as the relationship went on, she truly believed that Kanai and she were meant to be, and would prevail. Now, it was all over: her dreams, her future, her life...

She met Kanai three years ago at the school cafeteria. He was a foreign student in need of a tutor and she was the one assigned to him. At the beginning, she was not eager to mentor him. She had already so much on her plate with her studies. However, Kanai won her over with his charming personality. He was a tall, svelte man in his early twenties. He was not someone you would call handsome but he had very attractive features. He had skin the color of mocca and a smile that could melt an iceberg. And once you knew him, he was a very interesting person. He knew so much about politics, economics, history and even trivial things. He never ceased to amaze people about how much he knew or how much he was eager to learn. Kanai came from Bangladesh to study physics in the US. He had hopes of becoming an engineer and making it in this country. And her role as a tutor would be to help him adapt to this new American life.

She would meet him very often at the beginning of the school year to help him with class enrollments but also for his legal papers. Kanai was a quick learner and soon enough he did not need her at all. However, he insisted on seeing her. He even went so far as to call her from time to time to ask questions that she already answered to. She kind of guessed that Kanai was romantically interested in her. She did not know what to do about it. She knew she liked the guy but she was not interested in having a relation with a foreigner. Besides, she had enough on her plate with her own studies.

Amid all her apprehensions, she found herself in Kanai's arms one night after he walked her back to her place. He was kissing her gently on her lips and she did not stop him. They started dating right after. Kanai was fun to be around as a friend, but he was even more interesting as a boyfriend. He was so affectionate and romantic: giving her flowers, sending her e-cards, taking her on dates outside the school campus. She felt like a queen. Kanai was the perfect gentleman, the prince that she has been looking for in all the frogs she kissed in her past life. He was the answer to all her prayers, uttered or not.

Things were supposed to be perfect between them. And they were until she discovered how attached he was to his family back in Bangladesh. He would drop everything he was doing, her included, at the drop of the hat, when his mother called him. And he would go into this dark mood soon after he ended the call. He was feeling homesick and there was nothing she could do about it. However, Kanai worse flaw would appear when they were around other Bangladesh people. For some reason, he would not show to them that he was involved with her. At first, she thought that it was because he was ashamed of her. But after confronting him, he finally confessed that he was engaged to be married back home. And since he was from a prominent family back in Bangladesh, everyone from his country knew him and of his engagement. She did not know what to tell him. Her first reaction was to try to understand about this engagement. He calmly explained to her that he was promised to another girl from another important family. And that they were set to marry as soon as he graduates. She wondered if he could get out of this engagement and he made it clear that it was impossible. Doing so would bring shame to his family.

- So what are we supposed to do? She finally had the courage to ask him

He was sitting on her bed, hugging his knees. She could see that he was in pain but for some reasons she could not reach out to him. He waited a good minute before saying:

- We would have to break up. I have to be honest with you. I do not think I can break up this engagement. When I got involved with you, everything was so quick. I knew I could not be with you but I had hope that in time I would find a solution to my dilemma.

She could not answer. She knew that she loved him. And she knew that he loved her. They were great together. Even her family and her friends had accepted him. How could they end it? So she did the crazy thing: she went over to him, kissed him and said:

- We will figure it out someday. But for now, let us just enjoy ourselves.

That was three years ago. They never did figure it out. In fact, they never even brushed the subject again. He did not say a thing. And she did not ask a thing. It was the perfect don't ask, don't tell policy between them. And after a while, she put this stupid engagement in the back of her mind. And it eventually disappeared from her life. There she was making plans for after graduation with Kanai. He was one year his junior. She already had a stable job, working as a junior editor in a local magazine. But she was planning to move in with Kanai after he graduated. He would get a job soon enough and they would make plans for their future: marriage, house, children. Everything would go as planned.

Today, as she woke up, she realized that all her dreams had been crushed. She did not know what to do about it except cry. However, she did not allow herself to cry one more tear after the sea she cried last night. She would go on in her life. That is what people do when they face a tragedy; they survive and they go one, making other plans. She did not have the courage to make one just yet but she knew she needed one or several. She got up from her bed and made herself some coffee. Then she opened the drapes. As she sensed, it was beautiful outside. On such a great day, Kanai and she would have been strolling hand in hand in the park near the campus. Or he would have rented a car and drove her to the nearest shore. But she could not let her mind wandered back to him just yet. The memories were too painful. She decided that it was best for her survival to just get angry at him. "The coward!", she thought. "He just drop this ball on my lap in the middle of diner. And how dare he left me just like that, like I was nothing. I gave this man everything, three years of my life, my time, my commitment, my support, my body, my soul, my love and he just gets up and walks out of my life. How could he? " She was getting worked up thinking about his cowardice. She was so angry that she could not see that in all this, she was the big enabler. She allowed Kanai to just do that: walk away. Because she was so stupid for not facing him when it was needed. Instead she buried her head in the sand and hoped that things would work out. And they did not.

Three weeks later, she saw some interesting headlines at msn.com. Kanai's lavish wedding was featured. She saw pictures of him wearing a gold embroidered Punjabi. By his side was a beautiful Bangladesh woman wearing a red and golden Saree and tons of gold jewelry. She stared at the pictures for a long time. Kanai was smiling. He seemed happy among family and friends. But the coup de grace was that he was looking at his bride with so much love.

In the weeks after their break up, she had came to term with the sordid affair by convincing herself that Kanai loved her and her only; and that he was going back to get married only by duty to his family. She rationalized by thinking that he was a good man who put the happiness of his family before his. She thought that he would never forget her and that maybe in time, he would find a way to come back to her. Now, after reading the article and seeing the pictures, she realized that she had been dreaming. Kanai was over her while she was obviously still "under him". It is funny how when hearts break, they never seem to break even.